The fateful day has arrived, I am on my last day of maternity leave and due back to work tomorrow. (Casually throws up) I dropped Ollie off for his last settling in session at nursery today and was official baby free for four hours.
While at certain times I have longed for an hour to myself to sleep, eat or paint my nails or generally do all those mundane things which become a ridiculous challenge once you have a baby, I do find myself lost when he’s not there and keep looking around or trying to listen out for him. One thing which I find really strange is going out without a pram, I can get places so much quicker.
I had been doing okay so far with arranging child care, negotiating hours to return to work and generally sorting myself out. But now that the time has actually come I find myself bursting into tears at the mere thought of leaving Ollie.
I realise this is ridiculous and he will be fine but the irrational part of me doesn’t believe anyone else will look after him properly. Lots of things run through my mind when I leave him at nursery but mainly if my baby is hurt in anyway I will kill you! (I’m not crazy I promise)
One thing that having a baby has made me realise is how strong I am and have become as a person and I think I have channeled that strength into protectiveness. Luckily Ollie is a very happy baby and I know he will really enjoy nursery, doing new activities and making new baby friends. I do wonder is it just parents that suffer separation anxiety?
The looming separation aside, as I look back over my maternity leave I know it’s been the most wonderful time of my life and I’m so thankful that I’ve had this time to bond with my baby and watch him grow & develope into his own little person.
On the positive side I’m only going back to work part time and I know that I will really cherish my time off with Ollie on the days I’m not working.
So tomorrow I will have to take a deep breath, jump out of my maternity bubble and back to the real world. Until then I’m going to snuggle up with my baby.